


took a long time to come

by arashiyama (harukatenoh)



Category: World Trigger
Genre: + a few other appearances, Alternate Universe - Idols, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, New Year's Eve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 06:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12625203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harukatenoh/pseuds/arashiyama
Summary: Jun is the famous leader and frontman of idol group Miden, boasting one of the biggest fanbases for up-and-coming idols and madly in love with his best friend. Yuuichi is a semi-broke, struggling computer science student and also madly in love with his best friend. With the holiday season in full swing, Jun's idol activities come to a close and he and Yuuichi have to confront an ending and a beginning, with the backdrop of the new year to help them along.





	took a long time to come

**Author's Note:**

> as my friends will know, the one saying i subscribe to the most when writing fic is "be the change you want to see in the world." i want to see more long world trigger fics. i, in particular, want to see more long arajin fics. you can see my point.
> 
> god idek what to say about this i cant believe how fucking long this is i cant believe its real and not something i dreamt up (yes i have dreamt about getting new world trigger fic before, yes i am very desperate) and i cant believe how much i love arashiyama jun. 
> 
> work title is from this will be our year - covered by ok go, originally by the zombies. havent heard the original but the cover is gr8

As part of the newest endorsement Miden are doing, there’s an expansive advertising campaign featuring them. The company they’re working with is big, bigger than all of its predecessors and Yuuichi can see the power of the company reflected in the power of the advertising; Miden have occupied the majority of the ad space in Mikado’s largest shopping centre.

There is something that stands out in particular.

Arashiyama’s face, boasting a large and impressive billboard as its home, looks over the main square of the shopping centre. He glitters alongside the lights and glamour of high class department stores; the brightest of the bright that this city has to offer, so it’s no surprise that Arashiyama’s trademark smile fits right in. Arashiyama has always been above the mundane of Mikado.

Yuuichi stares up at the billboard with a fond smile on his face, allowing himself to indulge in how light his heart feels at the sight. He doesn’t recognize the company, but from the accompanying images, Yuuichi gathers that it’s a makeup brand.

As much as Arashiyama makes the makeup look good—upon further inspection of the billboard Yuuichi notices the shine on Arashiyama’s cheekbones and the red on his lips—he’s a rather terrible choice for the model, because Yuuichi is completely uninterested in the product being advertised and wholly focused on the person advertising it. Arashiyama manages to steal the spotlight from anything and anyone. He’s a terrible marketing strategy.

There are people standing near him, similarly looking up to the shiny new billboard and Yuuichi catches wisps of conversation: hushed voices saying _he’s so handsome_ , _did you hear his group is having a concert soon_ , _I love that lipstick colour on him._ Harmless admirations that Yuuichi doesn’t take any mind of, and then he catches _I wonder if he’s dating anybody_.

Yuuichi admits that he tends to meddle in other people’s affairs, but he’s a little above dropping into some random conversation he had overheard and telling the speakers _no, he’s not. He’s too busy with idol life_ — _trust me, I know_.

Instead, he pulls out his phone and texts Arashiyama.

 **[13:22] me** **  
** saw ur billboard

Arashiyama replies in an instant. Yuuichi figures he must be off work.

 **[13:23] jun**  
Do I look good?

 **[13:23] me** **  
** don’t you always

 **[13:24] jun** **  
** You’re such a charmer

 **[13:24] me** **  
** somebody around here has to keep you humble

 **[13:25] jun** **  
** You do your job with dedication and prowess

 **[13:25] me** ****  
speaking of jobs  
are you off-duty?

 **[13:26] jun** ****  
Just wrapped up my last interview for the season  
My last official duty for this year will be posting to twitter, and then I’m free

 **[13:28] me** ****  
want to buy me lunch with all those royalties?  
u can see ur billboard in action too

 **[13:29] jun** **  
** Ill see you there

Yuuichi watches Arashiyama go offline and slips his phone back into his pocket. There’s an absent smile on his face, and before he knows it a pleased laugh is escaping him and joining the noise of the crowds around him.

It’s the week between Christmas and New Year’s, and the city is unsure of how much celebration it should be doing, and how much it needs to store up for the next big event so recently after the last big event. It’s an interesting kind of stasis, one that leaves people wandering around shopping centres, trying to leave behind the Christmas spirit without losing the New Year’s excitement.

Yuuichi isn’t quite sure why he’s here. He thinks (or at least likes to think) that he’s here for more than just Arashiyama’s fancy new billboard, but if that is the case then he has to group himself with the other aimless partygoers, and he’s not quite sure if he wants to do that.

He has no more time to ponder why he finds himself in the city district of Mikado, because his phone goes off. He instinctively pulls it out, not sure why he’s surprised that the notification is a tweet from Arashiyama because he had just told Yuuichi he would be posting to twitter. Opening the notification, Yuuichi sees a selfie of Arashiyama and his dog—Arashiyama’s twitter account is less for him and more an account for his dog—with the caption _Koro and I wish you all a happy holidays!_

It’s very cute, as evidenced by the amount of replies stacking up from excited fans. Yuuichi deigns it a favourite, then closes the app. He’s smiling again and he tries to be mad about it, but Arashiyama and his love for that dog could melt the Arctic, and Yuuichi has no chance whatsoever in the face of it.

His phone vibrates again, and it’s another tweet from Arashiyama, and Yuuichi has the self-control to sigh before he opens it up.

 **Arashiyama Jun** @miden_jun _  
_ Stay safe everybody! The weather is getting cold, so dress warmly, and don’t party too hard.

Yuuichi doesn’t bother liking that one, but he does idly scroll through the replies to see all the people telling Arashiyama to do the same. He hits back on his phone, intending to return to his home screen but ends up at the top of his timeline instead, where a tweet from Arashiyama’s biggest fan-twitter has just been posted.

 **For Arashiyama** @junfanofficial  
Jun is officially off duty for the holidays, everyone! If you see him around, don’t bother him. Let him enjoy his break, okay? :-)

Yuuichi hopes that every fan of Arashiyama’s shares that sentiment. He ends up scrolling through his twitter timeline for a while longer, even though this account only follows the people from _Miden_ and some accounts related to them. Some update accounts have started a discussion about what Arashiyama was going to do during his break, and Yuuichi, curious, decides to take a look at the thread.

 **Jun Updates** @arajunupdates  
Wishing Jun a happy holidays~ What do you guys think he’s going to do?

 **jun’s gf** @midenisthebest  
@arajunupdates hang out w koro the entire time lol

Yuuichi snorts at that, because it had happened once. After a particularly busy period, as soon as he had gotten a break Arashiyama had rented a small beach house for the weekend and left with Koro and nobody else. Yuuichi likes the tweet.

 **mochiluvr** @tachiriver  
@arajunupdates hmm~ i have this feeling he’s going on a date today

Yuuichi pauses in his scrolling at this tweet.

 **niko-chan** @nikonikonii  
@tachiriver @arajunupdates isn’t that a weird thing to have a feeling about…

 **fuka** @SAlLORM00N  
@nikonikonii @tachiriver @arajunupdates right! who is this guy even (￢_￢;)

 **mochiluvr** @tachiriver  
@SAlLORM00N @nikonikonii @arajunupdates just a fan giving his opinion~ i have good hunches about these things guys, trust me~~~

It’s unmistakeable. There’s nobody else it could be, but Yuuichi can’t quite bring himself to believe that Tachikawa, as ridiculous as he is, would be ridiculous enough to do this. Never say that he doesn’t try to see the best in people.

 **niko-chan** @nikonikonii  
@tachiriver @SAlLORM00N @arajunupdates no offense but that’s really weird…

Yuuichi can’t help but agree.

 **Jun Updates** @arajunupdates  
Alright, we won’t ask next time… Let’s just all hope Jun enjoys himself, whatever it is he’s doing.

He’s caught up enough by watching Arashiyama’s fans bicker and pondering what the hell Tachikawa means by _going on a date today_ that he doesn’t realize the time passing until there’s a tap on his shoulder. Yuuichi turns around, phone still in his hand and Twitter still open, and can’t help but laugh.

Arashiyama is easily recognizable to Yuuichi, even with the black mask that covers most of his face, the lensless glasses sitting on his nose and the beanie that covers his fluffy hair. His eyes are alight and Yuuichi can picture the smile that the mask hides as he waves.

Yuuichi waves back. “You don’t have to hide from your fans, look.” He says instead of a greeting, and taps on the tweet from earlier, then offering his phone to Arashiyama.

Arashiyama takes his phone and reads the tweet with curious eyes. When he returns Yuuichi’s phone to him, he pulls down his mask with his other hand and the smile that the action uncovers is irresistible, contagious, so Yuuichi starts to grin too.

Instead of saying anything about the tweet’s contents, Arashiyama asks: “You keep up with my fans?” sounding rather pleased.

“Of course,” Yuuichi replies, perfectly in beat. “Sometimes I spread rumours about embarrassing things you’ve done, like when you slept on the floor because Koro was taking up all of your bed.”

Arashiyama does not seem perturbed at all by the thought of Yuuichi exposing his secrets to his adoring fans, just like Yuuichi had known he wouldn’t be. Instead he just laughs again, eyes crinkling up as he says “They’ll probably find it cute.”

From anybody else, the comment would’ve sounded boasting, but Arashiyama is as sincere and earnest as ever, not to mention correct. Arashiyama’s fans find everything he does cute, and Yuuichi has to admit that when Arashiyama had texted him from his temporary bed on the floor when the incident first happened, he had been struck with how cute it had been too.

“How does it feel, having your face on a billboard?” Yuuichi asks, leaving aside thoughts of Arashiyama's cuteness decisively. Arashiyama looks up at the billboard like he had forgotten it had been there, studying it with wide eyed intensity. Yuuichi takes the moment to survey the people around them and, unsurprisingly, people have already noticed Arashiyama's presence. The connection is easy to make when his face is plastered across the side of a building and Yuuichi can feel his smile molding into something more menacing underneath the curious stares.

People take the hint, and while they still whisper and still point, nobody approaches.

“I didn't think it'd be so noticeable.” Arashiyama says, appraisal seemingly done and Yuuichi's attention returns to him immediately, taking in the small smile that is forming on Arashiyama's face. Yuuichi just smiles at him in return, something casual and glassy and like that, they speak no more of the billboard.

They get lunch at a Vietnamese bakery nearby, with Arashiyama finding them a table in the back while Yuuichi orders for them both. He doesn’t need to ask what Arashiyama wants; he recites both of their orders with ease, nodding along as the server repeats them back to him. She can’t stop her gaze from straying to the back of the bakery, eyes flicking to where Arashiyama sits before returning to Yuuichi with barely contained curiosity.

Yuuichi decides to take mercy on her as she hands back his change and with a flippant smile, tells her “I can get you his autograph.”

Her mouth drops into a perfect “o” shape and she’s agreeing immediately, words failing to be immediate enough and substituted with very rapid nodding. She hands him the receipt with several murmured _thank you_ s and Yuuichi makes his way back to the table where Arashiyama waits.

“The server wants your autograph,” Yuuichi says as he takes the seat opposite Arashiyama. His back is turned to the counter now, but he’s sure that the server is still staring at them with wide eyes. His voice drops to a conspiratory tone. “You should try to get a free drink or something out of her.” He mock-whispers, an eyebrow raised.

“You’re terrible,” Arashiyama laughs, the comment with no heat behind it. “How much was it?”

Yuuichi shakes his head, crumpling the receipt up and shoving it into his pocket. “Never fear, your generous best friend will wave the bill for today.” He says airily. “Let’s eat.”

He hands over the bread roll and they sit, eating in peace. The silence is comfortable, but it gives Yuuichi’s mind too much time to wander. And while he usually passes his quiet moments pondering about what he’s making for dinner or whether he should buy more rice crackers before going home, today, his mind keeps going back to a chain of tweets that he is still half convinced doesn’t exist.

He’s still disbelieving, but the longer he thinks about it the fact that Tachikawa Kei, long-time friend of both Yuuichi and Arashiyama and member of the second most popular act under Border Records, has an underground twitter account where he annoys well-meaning fans about his co-workers becomes increasingly plausible. It’s the exact kind of ridiculous thing Tachikawa would do for kicks. The part that Yuuichi is hung up on is the _going on a date_ part, because if anybody would know that, it’d be him.

Right?

“Do you have any plans after this?” He’s asking it before he can stop himself and he hates Tachikawa, has never hated anybody more, but he’s genuinely curious and also a little betrayed at how Tachikawa knows but he doesn’t.

Arashiyama lowers his bread roll from where he had been about to take a bite, and considers the question.

“Nope!” He answers with a smile, then follows up with “Did you want to do anything?”

Yuuichi sure does want to do something. He wants to throttle Tachikawa, because he’s not nearly as dense as Tachikawa is and he’s able to piece together the implications of the tweet pretty well after finding out that all Arashiyama had had planned for today was seeing him.

Yuuichi shrugs. “Any particular way you wanted to start off your break? I’ll indulge you,” he says at the same time he pulls out his phone, setting aside his food in favour of pulling up his messaging app and composing a text to Tachikawa that consists only of smiley faces. Enough smiley faces that it becomes threatening.

If Arashiyama notices the way Yuuichi is pleasantly glaring daggers into his phone, he doesn't comment; instead he assigns the question the gravity that it deserves and spends several moments in deep thought.

After a while, his expression clears, and with a smile that borders barely on coy, says “Not really. I'm happy as long as I'm with you, it's been so long.”

Yuuichi raises an eyebrow at that, watching how Arashiyama's cheeks colour slightly and the only thing he can really think in the face of it all is _cute._ It's ridiculous.

“In that case,” he says breezily, betraying none of his inner turmoil, “I have some ideas.”

* * *

“When you said you had ideas, this wasn’t what I had in mind,” Arashiyama says, sounding like he’s trying not to laugh and failing spectacularly. There’s a box of rice crackers in his arms and a matching one in Yuuichi’s, his wallet considerably lighter for the convenience store trip.

Yuuichi shrugs as best as he can with the box in his hands, letting a smile take over his face. “I needed to stock up. With this much, I won’t need to return for a while.”

Arashiyama shakes his head with a laugh, a statutory judgement of Yuuichi’s terrible diet, but makes no further comment.

They make the short walk back to Yuuichi’s apartment and his roommate Kyousuke is home to open the door for them and roll his eyes at the purchase, being much more vocal about his judgement of Yuuichi’s diet than Arashiyama had been. Yuuichi cheerfully ignores him, putting the boxes away in their kitchen while Arashiyama and Kyousuke talk.

When he returns to the kitchen, it’s to the sight of Arashiyama staring at his phone with wide eyes before jumping into action; grabbing his bag and heading for the door.

“Fuku and Saho just got home,” is all the explanation he gives Yuuichi and it’s all the explanation he needs to give, because Yuuichi is already waving him off with a smile. It’s probably been days since Arashiyama has been able to spend time with his younger siblings and Yuuichi doesn’t want to keep him from his favourite people in the world any longer than necessary.

Once, Yuuichi had been trying to sign up for Arashiyama’s fancafe—out of curiosity—and had to answer three questions about Arashiyama to be upgraded as a member. They had been relatively easy questions for somebody who has known Arashiyama since fourteen, but it had taken Yuuichi several tries because one of the answers had been incorrect, plain and simple.

_What is Jun’s favourite food type?_

Seafood.

_What is Jun’s voice type?_

Tenor.

_What is Jun’s favourite thing in the world?_

A bit of a vague question, but easy enough regardless. Fuku and Saho.

The first two had been correct, but the third had been rejected. Yuuichi hadn’t been too bothered, it was probably a difference in wording and he had gone on to try _his siblings, his siblings, Fuku & Saho _, all returning as incorrect. Which Yuuichi had known he wasn’t. He had ended up texting Arashiyama, just to confirm his suspicions about the accuracy of the questions.

 **[00:03] me** **  
** ur favourite thing in the world is ur siblings, right

 **[00:08] jun** ****  
Yeah?  
Why are you asking

 **[00:09] me**  
okay  
what about second favourite

 **[00:12] jun**  
Koro.  
Are you taking an online quiz about me or something?

 **[00:13] me** ****  
i didn’t know those existed  
but now that i do i’m going to ace every one of them

 **[00:15] jun** **  
** Don’t stay up too late

Yuuichi had typed in Koro, then feeling altogether wronged when the page had reloaded and welcomed him as an official member. He still debates to this day whether to alert the page administrators that their information is inaccurate.

“Jin-san. Your phone is going off. It’s… um. From ‘don’t reply’.”

Yuuichi turns to see Kyousuke standing at his left, offering the phone that Yuuichi had probably left in the kitchen with a confused expression. He smiles, ignoring the question in Kyousuke’s eyes and saying “Oh, thank you Kyousuke,” and taking the phone. Another notification pops up as he unlocks it. He is tempted to listen to the warning his smarter, more self-preservatory past self had set as the contact name, but he figures Tachikawa will probably break into his house if he doesn’t reply.

 **[15:02] don’t reply** ****  
alright ╥_╥  
i give up  
i can’t figure out what i did  
please tell me so i can congratulate myself for finding another way to annoy you

Yuuichi doesn’t know what he had expected, nor does he know how to bring up the topic without revealing that he too has an clandestine twitter account where he observes his famous friends’ fans. At least he isn’t actually famous. He settles for being vague and ominous, which is what he’s usually like anyway.

 **[15:05] me** ****  
if you can’t figure it out urself then im not going to tell u  
:)

 **[15:05] don’t reply** ****  
did your date with arashiyama go badly  
that’s not my fault you can’t take that out on me

 **[15:06] me** ****  
was it a date? he should’ve told me i would’ve dressed up  
did he tell you that it was a date?

The typing icon pops up a few times before disappearing again, and Yuuichi can sense Tachikawa trying to decide how he should answer. The answer that follows is so appropriately obnoxious and avoidant that Yuuichi laughs.

 **[15:08] don’t reply** **  
** if you can’t figure it out urself then im not going to tell u~~~

 **[15:09] me** ****  
touche, tachikawa  
touche

He ends the conversation there, closing the app before Tachikawa can goad him into thinking about boring things like feelings or emotions more, and drops onto the couch, taking up most of it, with a sigh. Kyousuke, with reflexes fast enough to move out of the way when Yuuichi joins him on the seat, looks down at him with raised eyebrows.

“Are you okay?” Kyousuke asks, probably more out of curiosity than any concern for Yuuichi.

Yuuichi gives him a wry smile. “Of course. Why wouldn't I be? Are you worried about your senpai, Kyousuke?”

Kyousuke ignores the provocation and rolls his eyes, saying “Reiji-san is coming over to cook dinner after I told him you planned to live off of rice crackers.”

Yuuichi sits up on the couch, giving Kyousuke an appraising look.

“Isn’t it your turn to cook dinner today anyway?” He asks, watching the way a smile starts forming on Kyousuke’s face before he can catch himself and return to deadpan.

“Maybe.”

Yuuichi laughs. “I’m so proud of you.”

Kyousuke smiles properly this time, a self-satisfied smirk that he had probably picked up from years of living with Yuuichi. “Also, Konami-senpai is coming over as well.”

“A family reunion, then!” Yuuichi announces, standing up from the couch and turning to look at Kyousuke with a glint in his eye. “We should invite Usami too.”

“You’re making Reiji-san cook for five people?” Kyousuke asks, though he doesn’t seem opposed to the idea.

“I have the utmost faith in his chef abilities.” Yuuichi says with an easy grin.

* * *

Reiji does end up cooking for five people, without complaint, and Yuuichi had expected no less from him. It’s nice to meet up again; all five of them had been busy in the months leading up to the so coveted winter break, and Yuuichi feels like he’s back in in their high-school science club, watching the sun go down outside as they talk.

They have all finished eating, now sitting in Yuuichi and Kyousuke’s cramped living room—cramped as far as five growing or fully grown adults are concerned—and chatting idly. Usami is detailing her latest adventures in university, now a second year in her biomedical science course and everybody is happy to let her go on uninterrupted.

That is, of course, until Konami shifts in her position on the couch and pulls out, from behind her, a familiar red jacket.

“Hey, isn’t this Jun’s jacket?” She directs the question at Yuuichi and he nods, figuring that Arashiyama must have left his jacket here in his rush to get home and fully prepared to have that be the end of that. It isn’t.

“He came over earlier today,” Kyousuke offers as an explanation, although Yuuichi isn’t sure why he feels the need to justify anything; the words leave Yuuichi with his gaze narrowed at Kyousuke, who is still calmly watching Konami. Konami’s attention is on him now. “They were having a tryst.”

Yuuichi has to be a little impressed at how Kyousuke can remain expressionless as he says it, delivering the final blow to Konami’s fragile control over her volume.

“ _WHAT._ ” She screeches, already jumping on her feet and turning to Yuuichi and brandishing the jacket at him as if it’s all the proof she needs of his misdeeds. Now that her back is turned, Kyousuke is smiling freely and Yuuichi briefly regrets ever taking the boy under his wing, back when he had just been a quiet first-year and not a scourge on Yuuichi’s life.

Usami is doing nothing to diffuse the situation, instead smiling into her hand with an expression that turns devious when she meets Yuuichi’s eyes. He suddenly regrets ever meeting any of these people, except Reiji, who is already trying to get Konami to _stop yelling_ and sit back down.

“He was lying, Konami.” Yuuichi says, trying to sound weary. It’s a venture doomed from the beginning because fondness seeps into his tone, obvious and immediate, and the smiles of Kyousuke and Usami only grow at the sound.

“I was lying, Konami-senpai. Sorry.” Kyousuke confirms.

“Konami, that was really obvious…” Usami giggles.

Reiji sighs as he reaches out to put a hand on Konami’s shoulder and put a stop to any threats to cause Kyousuke bodily harm. “How do you kids even know what a tryst means? I blame this on you,” and he directs that last comment to Yuuichi, who doesn’t bother trying to look affronted.

With a blatant grin, he says “What? I’m the victim here, if anybody! Why is it my fault?” Reiji remains unimpressed in the face of his empty protests.

He turns back to Kyousuke, who, along with Usami, is laughing at Konami returning to her seat with her arms crossed and pouting. “Stop tricking her,” Reiji tells Kyousuke. “You,” he continues, turning to where Konami is sitting next to him, “Stop believing everything you hear.”

Usami giggles again, probably at how much like a put-upon mother Reiji sounds like. She does not escape his scrutiny.

“And you,” he starts, but that’s as far as he gets. “You didn’t really do anything, I guess.” Reiji resolves, although he looks hesitant to do so, and Usami grins.

“What about Jin-san, you have to tell him off too!” Konami cuts in with her protests, having now broken out of her sulking.

Everybody in the room turns to Yuuichi, who watches Reiji expectantly as he tries to come up with something. Eventually, he settles on “And Jin. Stop…”

Yuuichi leans forward, anticipating. “Yes?”

“Just stop.”

The rest of the room bursts into laughter, Yuuichi included. Reiji just sighs again and shakes his head, leaning back on the sofa but there’s an affectionate smile on his face all the same and Yuuichi feels— comfortable. He would almost say _at home_ , but a larger part of him protests that he’d probably jinx it—whatever this _it_ is—so he settles with comfortable.

They talk more, continuing from where Usami had left off, university and life and work. Yuuichi doesn’t understand how Kyousuke manages to go to school even, with the amount of part-time jobs he has, but he’s managing like he always has, cruising through life with enviable ease. Probably picked that up from him too, if Yuuichi is being honest.

Reiji is currently suffering through his second-to-last year of medical training overall, which involves rigorous studying and interning at the university hospital. Yuuichi can see the toll that it’s taking, and he feels bad about making him cook that night but then Reiji says “I’m just excited to be able to help and take care of people, you know?” and he feels less bad. Konami is still deciding her specialization (how she’s managed to put it off for so long escapes them all) but she tells them she’s leaning towards laser physics and they all agree that she’s suited for it. Scarily suited, but Yuuichi keeps that comment to himself.

The conversation turns to him, and he tells them about the recent hackathon his university had held; it had been their first one ever, and he had helped out one of the seniors as a project manager. It had been… overwhelming, to say the least, but there had been definite appeal in watching how his carefully laid plans had become carefully written code.

By the time they had all gotten through recounting their last few months, it was getting dark. Usami and Konami had excused themselves first, walking back to their shared dorm together with promises to drop by again soon. Reiji, after insisting on helping clean up, had left with similar assurances.

Yuuichi clears the few dishes that Reiji had left behind, placing them in the sink to be dealt with another time. Kyousuke bids him a goodnight, saying that he’ll wake up and do the dishes tomorrow morning and Yuuichi agrees, getting the feeling that Kyousuke feels a little guilty at shirking dinner duties.

Switching off the light in the kitchen, he heads across the lounge room and into his own bedroom. He doesn’t bother to turn on the light, instead making a beeline for his bed and being content to lie there with only the moonlight illuminating him.

He looks up into the murky darkness of his ceiling for a few moments; breath held. Then, he exhales slowly, letting the tension drop from his body as he relaxes into the bed.

Turning over on his side, he pulls out his phone.

 **[22:51] me** **  
** u left ur jacket here

 **[22:53] jun** ****  
I thought so  
Guess we’ll have to meet up tomorrow so I can get it back

 **[22:53] me** ****  
or i could keep it  
it’s very warm

He isn’t actually wearing the jacket—hasn’t touched it the entire night except to remove it from Konami’s offended vision, but he had been the one to buy it for Arashiyama. He remembers the shop clerk insisting that it was one of their best.

 **[22:54] jun**  
I know!!!  
I’ve been cold all evening without it

 **[22:55] me** **  
** you have other jackets

 **[22:55] jun** **  
** But that one’s my favourite

Yuuichi had been poised to type a reply as soon as he reads Arashiyama’s message, but instead he lets his phone fall out of his hands and onto his bed with a groan. Arashiyama, with all of his money and fame and glamour, could definitely afford better jackets than the one Yuuichi had gotten for him for his eighteenth birthday, but no. It’s this jacket, worn and well-lived, that is his favourite. A gesture so sentimental and sincere and so very like Arashiyama that Yuuichi has to laugh, a breathy, weak huff of air.

 **[22:58] me** ****  
we shouldn’t keep it from you for too long huh  
lunch tomorrow?

 **[23:00] jun** **  
** I’ll pay this time

 **[23:00] me** **  
** feel free to

 **[23:01] jun**  
It’s my pleasure  
I’m gonna head to sleep  
Goodnight Jin!  
Sweet dreams <3

 **[23:02] me** **  
** gn

He hesitates over the heart emoji, holding his silence a beat too long. Arashiyama goes offline, and Yuuichi sighs and lets his phone slip from his grasp again.

* * *

They figure out the details of where they’re going and when in the morning, when Arashiyama has woken up and Yuuichi has pretended to sleep. From where he stands, on the second level of the mall and eye level with the billboard now, it still looks as impressive as it had looked yesterday. From here, he takes the time to read the tagline as well, a simple and short phrase that, when accompanied with Arashiyama’s smiling face, probably works a little too effectively on Yuuichi.

 _Fall in love with me!_ it says, with a subtitle underneath promoting the makeup. Yuuichi is still hung up on the falling in love part.

With a steady exhale, he turns from the billboard, in time to see Arashiyama step off the escalator and look around. He’s wearing a mask again, and it’s the first thing Yuuichi says when Arashiyama walks up to him.

“Why the mask?”

Arashiyama hesitates, and he’s harder to read when Yuuichi can’t see the shift of his mouth or jaw, and for a moment Yuuichi is worried.

Then, Arashiyama turns his eyes to the ground, reaches up a hand to scratch behind his neck as if he’s avoiding something, and says “It’s embarrassing.”

It takes a moment for Yuuichi to connect the dots, taking in how Arashiyama’s eyes lift to gaze up, past Yuuichi and at the large billboard with his face plastered on it. Yuuichi turns to look at the billboard. Then back at Arashiyama.

He’s grinning, and Arashiyama has started to smile too, Yuuichi can tell; his entire demeanour is lighter for it.

“Who knew our rising star couldn’t handle the spotlight?” Yuuichi teases gently, imagining how Arashiyama’s smile gets wider at the easy teasing.

It’s comfortable too; they are comfortable in a way that leaves Yuuichi warm and content and with his guard down. It only makes it hit harder when Arashiyama levels Yuuichi with a pleased look, and says “You seem happy.”

Yuuichi knows that _happy_ in this case is more than the smiles he easily dispenses to anybody who cares to look his way, more than the careless shrug and smirk that he uses in the stead of a mask and disguise. Arashiyama sees straight through him, always has and always will, so he turns his head and stares a ways off into the distance and says “I might’ve missed you a bit.”

Arashiyama laughs, soft and understanding. Yuuichi continues to stand, eyes fixed aimlessly on the people coming up the escalator and not on Arashiyama because he can’t quite handle that level of sincerity, not just yet.

“Come on, let’s get lunch.” Arashiyama says and there’s a gentle touch at his wrist. Yuuichi pulls his hand out of his pocket almost on instinct, letting Arashiyama take it and pull him towards the restaurant as he weakly tries to fight the smile on his face.

 _I am happy_ , he thinks. It’s hard not to be, around Arashiyama.

Yuuichi is pulled into a booth in some quiet, softly lit diner. Arashiyama happily chatters about how he’s been wanting to try out this place since it opened, about how Tokieda had discovered it when he had been hanging out with friends from school. Yuuichi doesn’t say much; isn’t quite sure what he wants to say but it’s okay because Arashiyama understands and fills the silence instead.

They order and continue to talk, with Yuuichi participating more in the conversation. They fall into the comfortable rapport they always have, and between the intimacy of the booth and the relative quiet of the diner, Yuuichi forgets they’re not alone.

“Jun-kun?”

Yuuichi can’t stifle the laugh that comes upon hearing that. The speaker is a woman, probably around their age if not older, standing in front of their booth and looking at Arashiyama with curious eyes.

“Mina-san! It’s so nice to see you!” Arashiyama says brightly, standing up to greet her. Yuuichi, leaning on one of his hands, looks up at the woman and waits to be introduced.

“Honestly,” she sighs, reaching out to shake hands with Arashiyama, “I told you ages ago that you can drop the -san, Jun-kun. Aren’t we friends?”

Arashiyama laughs, nodding and saying “Alright, just Mina then. Jin, this is Sasaki Mina, my makeup artist. Mina, this is Jin.”

Yuuichi stands up to offer his hand to Sasaki as well, ignoring the way her eyes seem to widen at the mention of his name. With a slight grin, he says “So you’re the one behind the billboard, then?”

The look in Sasaki’s eyes sharpens into something like respect then, and she nods with a pleased smile. “That’s me. I’m the one who makes Jun-kun look good.”

Before he can make any more comment, something along the lines of _you must be very hardworking then_ , somebody else runs up to the table.

“Mina-chan!” Another woman calls loudly, running up and throwing an arm around the significantly wearier looking Sasaki. “Oh!” She continues, as she takes in the rest of the people. “Jun is here too!”

Arashiyama gives her a smile as well, putting his hand out for a handshake that she takes as a high-five instead. Sasaki rolls her eyes.

“Jin, meet Shimizu Mayaka, my wardrobe stylist.” Arashiyama says.

“And constant pain in the ass,” Sasaki adds with fond derision.

Shimizu gasps. “This is Jin?” She says, to which Arashiyama and Sasaki both nod, looking like they’re expecting the worst. “ _The_ Jin?” She says again, as if confirmation from both Arashiyama and Sasaki hadn’t been enough.

Yuuichi nods and grins, putting his hand out. “That’s me.”

Shimizu takes his hand and shakes it enthusiastically. “It’s so nice to finally meet the secret boyfriend! Jun-chan is always talking about you!”

Sasaki groans. Arashiyama, while still trying to smile, is now sporting a pink flush all the way to the tips of his ears. Yuuichi, for a few moments, is completely stunned; he has nothing to say between trying to process _secret boyfriend_ and _Jun-chan_ and _always talking about you_.

Then, he gathers his wits and turns to look at Arashiyama with a sly smile, saying “Am I now?”

Arashiyama doesn’t meet his eyes, and has the gall to look cute while doing it. “No,” He sighs, “he’s not my secret boyfriend, Mayaka-san.”

Shimizu raises her eyebrows at Arashiyama. Beside her, Sasaki mutters darkly “I can’t believe how you can manage to miss social signals so badly, it’s like you were raised on an island.”

Shimizu is still staring at Arashiyama, with a look that’s more questioning than anything, when she replies with “I was raised on an island. I live in Japan.”

Yuuichi and Arashiyama both laugh at that, causing Shimizu to turn to Sasaki with glee.

“They laughed! See that, Mina-chan, you’re the only person who doesn’t find me funny—”

“We’re _leaving_ , it was nice seeing you again, Jun-kun, and nice meeting you too Jin-san, and _stop pulling on my jacket, you’ll rip it_.” It’s amazing that Sasaki manages to sound pleasant bidding Arashiyama and him goodbye while simultaneously hissing at Shimizu and pulling her to a booth across the café, and all Arashiyama and Yuuichi can do is wave at the two retreating figures.

They make eye contact and silently agree to sit back down. Arashiyama is still battling his blush, while Yuuichi is just trying to decide on what part of that interaction he wants to comment on first.

Finally, he decides on simply repeating “ _Jun-chan_ ,” with irrepressible, smug delight. Arashiyama smiles at him, even if he’s still embarrassed and he says—bashfully, as if he could get any cuter in the moment—“We’re close. They’ve been with me since debut.”

Yuuichi nods, settling back into the comfortable atmosphere of before like it had never been broken. “You talk a lot about me?” He asks lightly, because he can’t resist the urge to know, to confirm.

Arashiyama nods and the smile that he gives Yuuichi this time is smaller but more intense, far more genuine.

“You came up in conversation a few times when we first started working together, then they started asking about you and haven’t stopped.” Arashiyama sounds almost pleased at it.

“I tell my coworkers about you all the time, but they never believe me.” Yuuichi says with exaggerated despair, proud at how Arashiyama can’t contain his laughter afterwards.

Their food comes, and Arashiyama lets Yuuichi take sips from his milkshake even though Yuuichi has his own drink, and they continue talking for hours afterwards. It’s not a feeling Yuuichi can voice, or properly put into words, but as they catch each other up on months of distance he feels something inside of him click back into place, a release of tension he hadn’t known was there.

Talking to Arashiyama always has this effect, and he had taken it for granted when they had been younger and he could steal Arashiyama’s time and attention whenever he wanted. He sees it now, how it’s a privilege, to know somebody so well and intimately that falling back into place with each other feels like falling back into place with yourself.

When he leaves, the billboard in front of him commands _Fall in love with me!_

Yuuichi thinks _I already have_ .

* * *

 

 **[17:23] don’t reply**  
this time was definitely a date

 **[17:26] me** ****  
are you stalking me, tachikawa?  
goodness, if you love me that much you can just say so

 **[17:27] don’t reply** ****  
you’re not the only people who go to the mall  
if i happen to see my cute underclassmen while out with my friends how is that my fault!!!!!

 **[17:28] me** ****  
of course  
silly me

 **[17:31] me** **  
** also it wasn’t a date

 **[17:31] don’t reply** **  
** so you go to lunch in nice romantic cafes with all of your friends

 **[17:33] me** **  
** ur not going to let this drop are u

 **[17:34] don’t reply** ****  
as your capable upperclassman  
i have to ensure you arent sabotaging your own love life

 **[17:36] me** ****  
but u arent saying anything useful?  
please try harder

 **[17:37] don’t reply** ****  
i was getting to it  
okay this is the plan: you confess  
he reciprocates  
you make out  
you then thank me later  
with mochi  
(･ω<)☆

 **[17:40] me**  
strategy was never your strong suit huh

 **[17:41] don’t reply** ****  
with a face this beautiful i dont need strong suits  
seriously though  
get together  
it hurts single people like me when two people so obviously gay for each other aren’t dating, you know  
it’s inconsiderate of my feelings

 **[17:45] me** **  
** its not that easy

 **[17:45] don’t reply** **  
** bet

 **[17:46] me** **  
** i knew you would say that

 **[17:47] don’t reply** **  
** no you didnt

 **[17:47] me** **  
** bet

With a string of not-passive, just-aggressive emojis, Tachikawa goes offline. Yuuichi considers himself the winner of that interaction.

Outside the haven of his room, Kyousuke is in the kitchen. There’s music playing, indistinct and vaguely familiar, as well as the sounds of pages being turned and occasional cursing. He must be studying, Yuuichi assumes, and heads out to see if he needs help.

From the lounge, Yuuichi can see Kyousuke sitting at the kitchen counter. From the lounge, he can also hear what the music being played is, and it is with this that he formulates an opening question.

“Why are you listening to Miden’s music?” He asks, ignoring the urge to name the song and the album that it is from because that isn’t relevant to anything but Yuuichi showing off his total bias.

Kyousuke doesn’t look up from his books, just shrugs and nudges an empty disc case on the counter beside him. “Izumi-senpai buys two copies of every Miden album. He gives me the other.”

Yuuichi smiles. “Ah, young love.”

Kyousuke gives a barely-there smile, but his amusement is clear. “I keep telling him it’s a terrible way of flirting, but he doesn’t listen. Says ‘somebody that handsome yet still single’ has no right giving him relationship advice.”

Yuuichi gives a fond sigh, shaking his head as he remembers days Izumi had spent over in their dorm, lamenting his feelings. He’s about to spend some quality time reminiscing about when crushes and relationships had been simple and easy when Kyousuke cuts off his train of thought, asking “If you’re not busy, and I know you aren’t, please help me with this.”

He obliges and pulls up the other stool they have at the counter.

They manage to struggle through most of the chemistry revision that Kyousuke needs to do, although Yuuichi has hated chemistry with a passion for some time. Kyousuke tells Yuuichi that he’s planning to take a specialisation with as little chemistry as possible, and Yuuichi praises his good sense inwardly while telling him that imitation isn’t a good look outwardly.

Kyousuke leaves to cook dinner, fulfilling the responsibilities he had passed onto Reiji yesterday, leaving Yuuichi with time to grab his phone from his room before heading back out. With nothing better to do, and he admits that he’s a little curious, he opens twitter. Arashiyama’s wonderful twitter fanbase, as always, do not disappoint.

 **Jun Updates** @arajunupdates  
Jun has been spotted out twice at Mikado’s mall on his break so far, with the same person both times. Seems he missed this friend a lot :’)

The tweet comes with two pictures from the two different days, and Yuuichi grimaces at the thought of people taking pictures of them secretly. Still, he opens the tweet and scrolls through the replies, curious at what the fanbase has to say.

 **mitsuru’s gf** @midenisthebest  
@arajunupdates twice out with one person and none with koro??????? omg its like i dont even know him anymire i have to change my display name now

 **jun’s new gf** @lqmiden  
@midenisthebest @arajunupdates its my time to rise

 **mitsuru’s gf** @midenisthebest  
@lqmiden @arajunupdates treat him well……………..

“Why are you smiling at your phone like that.” Kyousuke asks.

“Sixteen year old girls are hilarious.” Yuuichi replies, not looking up from the riveting conversation playing out in front of his eyes. If he had, he would’ve seen Kyousuke give him a long and confused look, but he remains blissfully ignorant of his roommate’s judgement.

 **niko-chan** @nikonikonii  
@arajunupdates @SAlLORM00N omf fuka look

 **fuka loves satori** @SAlLORM00N  
@nikonikonii @arajunupdates what if he only has one friend D:

 **niko-chan** @nikonikonii  
@SAlLORM00N @arajunupdates rmr when he went on that survival reality show and didnt make friends w any of the cast….

 **fuka loves satori** @SAlLORM00N  
@nikonikonii @arajunupdates NO DDDD: HES PROBS BEEN LONELY IN THE IDOL WORLD… SATOKEN HAS SO MANY FRIENDS WHY IS JUN ALONE

 **niko-chan** @nikonikonii  
@SAlLORM00N @arajunupdates JUN @miden_jun PLS MAKE MORE FRIENDS UR GREAT PPL WILL LOVE U IF U OPEN UP

Yuuichi thinks he’s seconds away from having a heart attack. He’s physically restraining himself from bursting out into laughter, a hand clapped over his mouth and another one clenching the countertop for dear life. Kyousuke is mercifully ignoring the way he’s wheezing and shaking, continuing to stir the contents of the pot as Yuuichi attempts to not die while sitting at the kitchen counter.

When he’s calmed down enough that Kyousuke feels safe approaching him, there’s a light poke at his shoulder and a “Sixteen year old girls again?”

Yuuichi shakes his head, still catching his breath. “I think they were nineteen this time.”

“I don’t want to know, so I’m not going to ask, and you’re not going to tell me.”

It’s not a request but an order, and Yuuichi shrugs and grins. Kyousuke takes it as agreement, and turns back to his cooking. Yuuichi picks his phone up again, but before he can resume scrolling through twitter, something else catches his attention. A message had just loaded, from a group chat that hasn’t seen activity for months.

**19 yos vs the world**

**[18:21] ikomacchi** **  
** Jin.

He can’t believe none of them have bothered to change the group chat name in three years.

**19 yos vs the world**

**[19:10] me** **  
** you called for a scientific genius?

 **[19:16] ikomacchi** **  
** You didn’t tell me that Arashiyama was on break!

 **[19:17] kakizaki** **  
** why is that jin’s job to tell you

 **[19:19] ikomacchi** **  
** Arashiyama is always so busy. :-(

 **[19:21] kakizaki** **  
** he’s not busy if he’s on break

 **[19:22] ikomacchi** ****  
…  
You’re right.  
Arashiyama.  
Why didn’t you tell me you were on break!

 **[19:23] me** ****  
nice save kakizaki  
thnx

 **[19:24] kakizaki** ****  
i didn’t do it for you  
but youre welcome

 **[19:25] ikomacchi** **  
** Haha

 **[19:28] jun** ****  
Hello everybody!  
Sorry I didn’t tell you about being off work, I forgot  
Please accept my sincerest apologies!

 **[19:29] ikomacchi** ****  
I’m not forgiving you just because you’re handsome  
I am prepared to be mad about this for at least 30 more minutes

 **[19:30] jun**  
I accept and understand your anger

 **[19:30] ikomacchi** **  
** Stop being nice! You’re making me look like the bad guy >:(

 **[19:31] kakizaki** ****  
…. anyway ****  
we should all catch up if you’re on break arashiyama!  
are you free soon? maybe tomorrow?

 **[19:32] ikomacchi** ****  
Yes!!!  
We should, I’m really bored lately.  
I went on a quest to find the best eggplant curry in Mikado but there’s only one place that makes it  
So now I have nothing to do...  
I’m free whenever.

 **[19:34] me** ****  
hmm **  
** i suppose this talented elite could carve some time out of his busy schedule

 **[19:35] jun** **  
** Are you actually busy? It’s okay if you skip out this time

 **[19:35] me** **  
** no it’s fine i wanna

 **[19:35] jun** ****  
Thought so.  
:P

 **[19:36] ikomacchi** **  
** Nicely finessed.

 **[19:36] kakizaki** ****  
jin... ****  
so tomorrow, then?  
we can get dinner

 **[19:37] jun** **  
** Lets go to the riverbank afterwards!

 **[19:37] ikomacchi** **  
** Arashiyama, wingman for me if there are any cute girls.

 **[19:38] ikomacchi** ****  
Wait. No. Don’t.  
They’ll probably end up falling for you instead, you handsome bastard.

 **[19:39] me** ****  
too real lol  
remember when ikomacchi thought he got a confession but the girl asked him to give it to arashiyama

 **[19:40] ikomacchi** ****  
She was so cute.  
I’m sad about that to this day.

 **[19:41] jun** **  
** I’m still sorry about that, Ikoma

 **[19:41] ikomacchi** ****  
No. Don’t be nice. It makes it worse.  
You can’t be handsome and a good person. Pick a good quality and go.  
Leave some for the rest of us.

 **[19:41] kakizaki** **  
** it’s a wonder any of us managed to graduate

 **[19:42] me** ****  
speak for urself  
i’m a talented genius

Yuuichi, satisfied with his last word, goes to help Kyousuke set the table with another day with his friends to look forward to tomorrow.

* * *

The first thing Arashiyama says to him when Yuuichi shows up, the other three having gotten there early, is “Now we’re three for three.”

Three days off work, three days spent with Yuuichi. It’s a realization that causes Yuuichi some unwanted feelings, so to stave them off he wonders what Arashiyama’s fans’ reactions would be.

“I was made a liar yesterday.” Ikoma announces gravely. “Oki told me that he found another restaurant that served eggplant curry, so now there are two of them. We should go.”

“Are you restarting your quest?” Arashiyama asks. Ikoma considers this for a moment, reaching up a hand to stroke at his chin and looking ridiculous as he does it.

“No,” is what he says in the end, shaking his head. “It’s no longer a quest. It’s a battle for my affections, like, a duel or something.”

“The eggplant curries are duelling for your affections.” Kakizaki repeats as if he isn’t sure what he had just heard, sounding a little dead inside. Ikoma nods, satisfied with himself.

“If the eggplant curry is duelling, does that make the rice the second of the duel?” Yuuichi asks, mostly to watch the despair cross Kakizaki’s face again.

Arashiyama shakes his head. “The rice doesn’t fight on the eggplant curry’s behalf. It’s the equalizer. It’s more like… the doctor.”

“What is the second, then?” Ikoma frowns. They fall silent, because now they’re all too invested in this overwrought analogy. There’s a moment of tension where they all consider the question, before Kakizaki sighs and gives up on trying to be above the conversation.

“It’s the meat,” he says, world weary and with his eyes shut as if he’s trying to imagine himself somewhere—anywhere—else. “If you’re eating curry, and it’s bad, you just eat the meat and the rice instead, right? The meat is the second.”

There’s surprised silence, then followed by murmured assent from all other members of the trio. It makes sense, after all.

“Nice one, Kakizaki.” Ikoma says, patting Kakizaki on the head. Kakizaki has seemed to accept his fate, letting Ikoma take the lead and show them to the restaurant.

The restaurant is relatively crowded, the chatter of the customers providing them ample privacy to conduct their own conversations in peace, and Yuuichi—for the third time in three days—finds himself recounting his past few months in all of their hectic, cluttered glory. It’s a story he’s able to tell well by now, and he’s not sure why he isn’t bored of telling it yet.

It’s something about the holiday season, about having the time to relax and reconnect, that makes Yuuichi’s words flow so easily as he recounts long nights spent coding and long days spent working; knowing that his audience are people who used to be privy to the majority of his daily life. Knowing that they want to know, knowing that they deserve to know.

The eggplant curry does not live up to Ikoma’s expectations, to the disappointment of everybody at the table. True to Kakizaki’s word, he ends up eating meat only and occasionally stealing from everybody else’s meals.

Yuuichi and Arashiyama sit on the same side of the table, and it’s close quarters enough that they brush against each other more than not; reaching for food, shifting in their seats, leaning over to flick at Ikoma or Kakizaki. There’s a warmth in Yuuichi that isn’t just from the coziness of the restaurant; it’s the warmth of being dizzyingly close to somebody you’re madly in love with, a feverish heat that threatens to overwhelm him everytime Arashiyama turns his kind eyes towards Yuuichi.

It’s a little much. Yuuichi considers himself an expert at not letting situations spiral out of hand, and it’s with this expertise that he decides he really needs to get away from this situation. Standing up in his seat, he announces he’s going to the restroom. Kakizaki and Ikoma nod at him, then turn to look at each other. Yuuichi doesn’t stay long enough to figure out what that look is supposed to mean, nor does he see the look on Arashiyama’s face as he leaves.

The bathrooms, in comparison to the red and yellow lighting of the restaurant itself, are washed in blue. It’s nice. Blue has always been Yuuichi’s favourite colour, something cooling and focusing and he lets the blue take over his vision and calm the fire in his heart.

It’s ridiculous. He has spent so much of his life being in love with Arashiyama; in the face of those years, why can’t he handle a few hours? Maybe it’s the extended exposure to him after so long, days of constant interaction where he had used to have nothing. He had forgotten what it feels like, to love Arashiyama. Had forgotten how this love, tucked into his lungs, spills out every time he breathes.

Not loving Arashiyama isn’t an option. That would be like not breathing anymore, against every instinct of his body and ultimately futile. He just has to relearn how to ration his breath and make sure it doesn’t catch anymore, has to relearn how to be close without being proximate.

The blue of the bathrooms has left him resolved, the melancholy of pointless pining seeping back into his line of sight like an old friend now unwelcome. He steps out of the bathroom with this resolve, takes every step back towards Arashiyama with this resolve and then has it crumble completely before he turns the corner to their table.

Because Kakizaki, who has remained the passive peacemaker of their group for as long as Yuuichi can remember, is borderline shouting.

“You can’t keep letting it hold you back, Arashiyama. It’s not an excuse anymore!”

Arashiyama exhales slowly. “Can’t we talk about this another time, Kakizaki—” he starts gently but Kakizaki cuts him off with a firm _no_.

“We can’t.” Yuuichi has never heard Kakizaki sound so— angry. “You’ve been putting it off for too long. Look, Arashiyama, when I… When I left Miden, it was a lot to do with me feeling like I wasn’t good enough. And that still holds true, in some ways. But looking back on it now, I can see that it was necessary for me. The idol life, it can be very rewarding, but it’s also _limiting_ , and a lot of the time you’re limiting yourself because of what you think is best. I couldn’t be the person that the idol industry wanted me to be—I tried and it nearly destroyed me.” Kakizaki’s tone is gentle now, laced with concern so palpable Yuuichi almost chokes on it. He has a feeling he knows what they’re talking about. “You’re doing a much better job than I am, of being that person, but you’re only human. You can’t let it take this from you, Arashiyama.”

Yuuichi knows he’s lingered too long and heard too much. Before his disappearance can go on too long or he hears more things he shouldn’t have, he’s walking around the corner. There’s a sunny smile on his face as he takes in the tension at the table as if it’s the first he’s seen of it, with raised eyebrows and unvoiced questions.

“Goodness, I know you guys missed me, but you’re acting like you just attended my funeral,” he says with a casual wave of his hand and like that, the tension dissipates into awkward, but relieved, cheer. Thankfully, the topic is breached no longer even if Kakizaki levels Arashiyama with long, narrowed looks every time his and Yuuichi’s hands brush.

They finish eating and despite protests from all other present parties, Arashiyama ends up paying for all of them. It’s somehow worse with the knowledge that he can afford to wave all of their dinner bills.

The sun is setting as they head down to the riverbank of Mikado city, surprisingly deserted considering how popular it is as a hangout spot. It is the middle of winter, and the winds that come off the river are biting enough to make Yuuichi shiver despite his jacket. He doesn’t come out here often; with how busy he’s gotten in university he doesn’t have much free time at all, and he prefers to spend what time he can get warm.

However, in the fading light of the day, painting the once blue sky pink and orange and red and reflecting in the river, Yuuichi can see the appeal. Especially when Arashiyama and Kakizaki go ahead, leaving Yuuichi to watch the way the sunset turns Arashiyama golden as he walks along the riverbank.

“You should ask him out.” Ikoma says from behind him. Yuuichi doesn’t bother pretending to be surprised; he’s obvious, and Ikoma is observant.

“Nope.”

“You like him. He likes you. You’re both making this much harder than it needs to be.” Ikoma continues in his matter-of-fact way.

“If only it was that easy, Ikomacchi,” Yuuichi says and by now the words roll like water off of his tongue, how well he knows them.

Ikoma frowns, but he doesn’t press the topic anymore. Yuuichi is glad for it, because he’s rather tired of discussing it at this point. He doesn’t know why the universe has collectively decided that it’s time for something to change between him and Arashiyama, but it’s still not easier than it had been years ago and Yuuichi can’t see the future, but he can’t see it ever getting easier. It is just a truth of his life, something he has to learn to live with and work around.

“Hurry up, you two!” Arashiyama calls. He and Kakizaki are standing by the river already and if not for the way Kakizaki is staring at Yuuichi, like he’s extremely tired of Yuuichi’s eternal bullshit, Yuuichi wouldn’t have noticed him at all.

Arashiyama in the light of the sunset is mesmerising. It's easy to see that he belongs in the light, the sun practically kissing him, inching as close as it can get. There's a softness to Arashiyama both in appearance and demeanor that makes Yuuichi forget to breathe, and an insistent and steady longing in his eyes that Yuuichi knows is meant for him.

He realises the same look must be on his face because Kakizaki, standing beside Arashiyama is turning away with a roll of his eyes and a fond smile. He ignores the pounding in his ears and smiles when Arashiyama meets his eyes and in that moment it feels like just the two of them; surrounded by the warm light of the sunset and the promise of bigger things.

“Please get a room,” is what breaks them out of the moment, the brief few seconds that had felt like eons to Yuuichi. Ikoma walks past Yuuichi to join the other two, looking mildly disgruntled, while Kakizaki has returned to his normal state of exasperated but fond. Yuuichi remembers the function of his legs again and they take him to Arashiyama's side, where they fall into place with ease.

The four of them are quiet as they walk along the riverbank, watching the night take over Mikado and then stretch out to the world. It's peaceful. The city is somehow quiet, as if it is giving the four of them their space as they remember how to fit back together again. Yuuichi reflects on their highschool days with a muted sort of nostalgia; back when a few months apart would’ve felt like the end of the world for their tightly knit friend group, but now just feels like a temporary bump in the road.

Yuuichi thinks he misses it. Misses being able to be unreasonable. He misses feeling like the world is against him whenever things don’t work out for him, instead of having to accept that sometimes, life is just the way that it is.

They stay until the sun has practically left the sky, barely a sliver of light hanging above the horizon. Ikoma and Kakizaki both leave first, announcing that they have to be home before it gets too dark so in sync that Yuuichi can’t help but suspect. He feels a little bad for making them both third-wheel as he and Arashiyama dance around each other, but they’ve been his friends for years now. They’re used to it, and it’s a mercy when Ikoma makes eye contact with Yuuichi before he walks off, giving him a look that says _we’re giving you the time, not that you deserve it_.

They bid their goodbyes and Yuuichi finds himself alone with Arashiyama once again; three for three.

“We need to talk,” Arashiyama says firmly as soon as they’re out of earshot, like he’s getting it in before Yuuichi has a chance to run away. Smart. It's the last thing Yuuichi wants to hear but he nods anyway.

“Not now?” He offers. Without the sun to fend it off, the cold is setting back in quickly, and Yuuichi would at least like to have the conversation—whatever it is they’re supposed to be talking about—in a warm place.

Arashiyama nods to that, looking relieved.

“Not now.” He confirms. Yuuichi is glad they're on the same page, because his hesitance runs deeper than escaping the cold, and he knows Arashiyama’s does as well. They’re both unwilling to let this day end on a bad note. They’ll hold on to their fragile peace, built from years of looking the other way when it has mattered the most, for one more night.

The silence stretches out, almost to the point of being wrong, when Arashiyama sighs.

“How about we get breakfast together tomorrow?” He suggests gently.

Start your day right. Get your heart broken by the only person you have loved and probably will ever love over a bowl of miso soup.

It's a terrible time to meet, in his opinion, but Yuuichi agrees all the same. “You can come over to my place. Kyousuke is sleeping over at his friend’s place.” He offers, figuring the privacy would soften the blow somewhat.

Arashiyama nods, not meeting Yuuichi’s eyes. Like that, for one more night, they continue orbiting around each other. Not close enough to touch yet, but ever-so-slightly pulling each other in with every elliptical. Waiting until the day one of them overshoots and leaves the orbit completely, or until they get too close and glance off of each other, sending the other off course for good.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Arashiyama says. Yuuichi nods, giving him a lackluster smile and wave. Arashiyama walks away, red jacket pulled a little tighter around him, while Yuuichi stares down into the water for a while longer. He only feels the cold set in when the sound of Arashiyama’s footsteps fade into the distance.

* * *

 

Yuuichi doesn’t sleep. It’s not an entirely uncommon occurrence, and he’s hesitant to assign blame to the fact he and Arashiyama are meeting in the morning. It probably had played some part, but Yuuichi on the whole isn’t fond of sleeping; feeling like he’s missing out on some chance, some important happening, if he dares to fall asleep.

He entertains himself during the night by scrolling aimlessly on twitter—not that he would admit that to anybody. It’s strangely addictive, watching Arashiyama’s fans fawn over the image he projects and knowing who he is underneath it all. It’s also plain funny, seeing twitter abuzz every time Arashiyama so much as breathes.

 **Jun Updates** @arajunupdates  
Jun has been spotted out again! This time with three other friends, although one of them is the same person from before.

There’s an image attached this time as well, from when they had been walking along the riverbank. Considering how blurry it is, Yuuichi isn’t sure how his fans even deduced that it had been Arashiyama in the picture.

 **Jun Updates** @arajunupdates  
@arajunupdates He’s gone out all three days of break so far… Jun… are you even resting…

 **fuka loves satori** @SAlLORM00N  
@arajunupdates @nikonikonii NIKO LOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE HAS OTHER FRIENDS TT TT TT TT

 **niko-chan** @nikonikonii  
@SAlLORM00N @arajunupdates IM SO PROUD OF HIM OMG… TWO WHOLE OTHER FRIENDS

 **fuka loves satori** @SAlLORM00N  
@nikonikonii @arajunupdates i can’t believe he’s still hanging out with that other guy… if i hung out w you 4 three days straight i would probs try to kill u

 **niko-chan** @nikonikonii  
@SAlLORM00N @arajunupdates that’s because you’re an asshole fuka

Those two are fast becoming Yuuichi’s favourite people on twitter, he muses while making breakfast for both him and Arashiyama. The flat is eerily quiet without Kyousuke around. Yuuichi enjoys being alone; it gives him time to think and plan. He’s a reserved person at heart, but despite this he feels Kyousuke’s absence strongly. Without the patter of Kyousuke’s typing or the shrill, tinny sound of Kyousuke’s music out of his low quality speakers, Yuuichi feels like he’s lost one of the constants in his life. Something to keep his grounded, something to come home to every day.

It’s probably more accurate to say Kyousuke is the only constant in his life; everybody else dips in and out as they please, as much as he wishes they would stay.

There’s a knock on the door. It’s only 8:21 in the morning, which is exceedingly early by nearly anybody’s standards, but it’s not like they had decided on a time last night, or that Yuuichi had been in danger of oversleeping. It’s as good a time as any, and Yuuichi goes to open the door with a smile already fixed on his face.

The first thing he notices is Arashiyama’s hair. It’s obvious that he hadn’t bothered styling it this morning, the long strands of his fringe dropping into his eyes and framing his face. He looks younger, softer, less faraway and distant and all Yuuichi can think for a brief few seconds is _fuck you for making this harder than it already is_.

Arashiyama smiles, a little sheepish, and flicks some hair out of his eyes.

“Take a picture,” he says as a way of greeting, “it’ll last longer.”

“Brilliant idea,” Yuuichi replies in beat even though he’s still reeling, “I can add it to the blackmail collection.”

They tide over the initial awkwardness like that, with an easy and familiar routine that can’t be changed by something as insubstantial as falling in love. Arashiyama steps in the house, announces his presence even though he knows Yuuichi is the only one home and compliments the smell of the homemade breakfast. Yuuichi closes his door and watches Arashiyama, thinking about how nice it would be if he could experience this every day.

Then, because he doesn’t like to indulge in futures that can never happen, he focuses on the now. They sit down at the table, facing each other and for a moment all they do is eat. For a moment, all he can think about is how domestic this is. For a moment, all Yuuichi can do is feel how badly he wants this.

“This is really good,” Arashiyama says and his voice is full of it, full of possibilities that can never come to fruition. His is a wistful, accepting tone and Yuuichi thinks that he might want this just as badly. And while Yuuichi had never expected this to be easy, it hits him, the gravity of how difficult it is going to be to walk away from this after they place down their chopsticks and place away their hearts.

They let the moment linger for a little longer, before Arashiyama is pushing away his bowl mostly untouched and breathing in.

“Yuuichi,” he says, reverent. Yuuichi tries hard to disguise how his hand jerks at the sound of his first name, tries to mask the sharp intake of breath because this is so _not fair_.

It's not fair, the way Arashiyama receives the love that must be blatant on Yuuichi's face, all patient and understanding. It's not fair that he knows, because of course he knows. Yuuichi can't hide from Arashiyama's light.

They tell each other everything. For Yuuichi, it's a point of pride. Arashiyama puts so much effort into carrying himself brightly, into maintaining the spotless mask he has created for the world and out of everybody, there is only one person who is allowed to see past the shining perfection he projects. Yuuichi is his only confidant, his only safe haven and the knowledge is dizzying, thrilling, exhilarating.

It's also a little terrifying, because their trust is a two way street and as much as Arashiyama does not hide from Yuuichi, Yuuichi cannot hide from him.

No matter how hard he tries, as soon as Arashiyama pushes Yuuichi will give, surrendering his secrets like he has for the past six years of his life. It’s obvious that Arashiyama would know because Yuuichi so much as tells him, and it's not fair, never has been and never will be. It’s not fair that they can hurt each other like this.

Yuuichi is sure that it shows on his face, because Arashiyama can always see through him. See how he hurts, a distant and accepted pain that seems to bite at him from a million miles away, and it’s far away enough that he can smile. Arashiyama remains steady and gentle.

“Jun.” He replies, softness of his tone betraying his fear. Arashiyama huffs then, tilting his head to look up at the ceiling as he tries to hide the wobbly smile on his face. “Jun.” Yuuichi repeats, because he likes the way it sounds and he might as well make the most of what he can get, before their delicate dance has to come to an end.

“I’m in love with you.”

Yuuichi doesn’t quite realize that he is the one who says it until he sees the look on Arashiyama’s face, a mixture of shock and happiness and hurt that unfurls on his expression like a flower blooming, painting it with that sort of tragic beauty that artists strive to capture for all of their lives. All of that, born out of five simple words.

“Okay,” Arashiyama breathes and his voice is steady, if light, not matching how shaky his expression is.

And even though they had known, probably had known from a long, long time ago, it’s strangely freeing it finally have it out in the open. No more dancing around each other, no more revolving around each other. They finally have to face it head on. Yuuichi feels light, like he’s not altogether here in his tiny kitchen that doubles as a dining room.

It is this distance that helps him keep his voice measured and his expression easy when he says “This is the part where you turn me down. Be gentle, or else I might slap you.”

Arashiyama still reacts to the joke, thankfully, giving a choked laugh that could sound like a sob if heard by the wrong ears. “Always one for the dramatics,” he says, sounding a little reproachful; for more than just his theatrical nature, Yuuichi imagines.

Then there’s silence for a heartbeat and Arashiyama’s hesitation makes this all the much harder, the way his expression goes tight as he opens his mouth and then abruptly closes it again twisting something tight in Yuuichi’s chest.

“You know that it can’t work out between us.” Every word becomes harder and harder to say, but Yuuichi forges on regardless. “Please, Arashiyama,” and he’s a coward for not using his first name, for placing artificial distance between them, “turn me down.”

“Is that what you want, Yuuichi?” Arashiyama asks and he sounds so sad, so impossibly melancholic despite the soft smile on his face, that Yuuichi almost crumbles. All of his resolve unravels, because Arashiyama has always been his weakness and it’s with weakness, with no certainty or conviction, that he says his next words.

“It’s for the best.” He forces out. He wishes that he believed it.

Arashiyama is silent for a few awful seconds.

“Okay.”

Arashiyama’s cheerful persona is back, his performer’s instincts taking over as he steels himself and Yuuichi hates that it seems to hurt more, watching Arashiyama cover up his pain as artfully as he always has.

“Jin, we can’t be together.”

Yuuichi ignores how his words falter. He takes in a deep breath, and then takes in another one. The world continues on. It’s a good start, even if he’s not altogether sure if his heart is still beating, or if his blood is still running. There’s a numbness setting in but he doesn’t mind, because it makes it easier to smile, lean over the table and flick Arashiyama on the head.

“That’s your slap,” He says, voice sounding like it’s coming from underwater. Arashiyama makes an attempt at a smile and it comes out well enough to convince any other person, but not Yuuichi.

They somehow navigate through cleaning up together, dressing down the table and then rinsing off the dishes. Yuuichi doesn’t say much; neither does Arashiyama. They still fall into a rhythm in the end, unspoken agreements forming in the space between Arashiyama’s hand and Yuuichi’s hand when they both grab the same dish, fragile truces made in the moments where neither of them look away in time and their eyes meet.

When Arashiyama leaves they both remember how to smile again and Yuuichi feels like he doesn’t feel any particular way, a blanket thrown over what’s left of his heart and dampening it, sheltering it.

“Four for four.” Arashiyama says, instead of saying goodbye. Yuuichi doesn’t want to, but he wonders: what would’ve had to change, for their lives to always be like this? To see each other every day—to wake up to the sight of Arashiyama, and have his last sight of the day be Arashiyama. Where should he have changed the course of their lives?

It’s pointless questioning, because the distance between them is not something easily surmounted, can’t be overcome by any easy shift in the path that their lives have taken. The distance between them is above him, out of his hands.

“See you around,” is what Yuuichi tells Arashiyama as he leans in the doorframe.

Neither of them intend on making it five for five; Yuuichi wants to blame the sudden proximity for rushing them along to this inevitable confrontation in the first place. They’re both off of orbit now, and Yuuichi needs time to remember how to drift without Arashiyama’s pull in his life.

Without any promise for follow up, Arashiyama walks away. Yuuichi watches him go.

The haze around him lifts, and the emotion that his heart decides to settle on is a brutal acceptance. He wishes he could be seventeen again and feel something different; react in a more violent and alive way than to accept his lot and deem it for the best.

Yuuichi closes the door, walks into his lounge, forces himself through the motions of fixing up the pillows before sinking into it, barely sitting upright as he feels all the energy leave his body.

That is the position that Kyousuke finds Yuuichi in thirty minutes later, when he returns. He takes in Yuuichi with a critical eye and Yuuichi hopes he looks pitiful enough that Kyousuke will leave him alone. With an unsure shuffle that reminds Yuuichi of how young he is, Kyousuke decides to sit next to Yuuichi on the couch.

Yuuichi sighs and shifts in his position so that he’s leaning on Kyousuke’s steady shoulder.

“Want to talk about it?” Kyousuke offers tonelessly, face drawn with uncertainty.

“Not really.”

“Okay.” Kyousuke breathes out, attempting to rearrange his demeanour into something more forgiving. “Good. Because I’m telling on you to Konami, and I need plausible deniability for when she starts yelling.” His tone weak and barely humourous, but it’s something all the same. It’s an attempt, one which Yuuichi appreciates.

“Don’t. I’m in a fragile state right now.” He counters weakly.

Kyousuke exhales slowly at that, seeming relieved at Yuuichi’s responsiveness, regardless of how lacklustre it is.

“Mm.” Kyousuke hums. “A regular wilting flower.”

“Practically a candle in the wind.” Yuuichi replies. It lacks his usual dramatics, but it’s enough to convince Kyousuke that he’s okay. He thinks that he’s convincing himself that he’s okay too. The upside to skipping four out of five stages of grief and landing right on acceptance, Yuuichi finds, is that it’s not too far off being okay.

The rest of his day is spent rather productively. Kyousuke tells him that Reiji is planning to have a small party for New Year’s Eve at his apartment and Yuuichi agrees to go because he has no reason not to. There’s a part of him that protests, that wants to usher in the new year with Arashiyama by his side but Yuuichi dutifully ignores it.

Kyousuke tells him that Reiji expects them to bring something to the party and immediately turns down Yuuichi’s suggestion of alcohol, instead making the executive decision to bake something.

“Why can you make the executive decision? I’m the senior here.” Yuuichi asks.

“You aren’t thinking straight.” Kyousuke answers primly as he searches through their cupboards for a recipe book.

“I never think straight.”

Kyousuke apparently manages to find the recipe book very soon after that, since it’s being chucked at Yuuichi’s head in a scarily accurate throw that leaves Yuuichi rolling onto the floor from his position on the couch to avoid it.

Lying on his back, after having a near-death experience caused by a cookbook, Yuuichi can find only one thing to do. He laughs. Kyousuke looks infinitely pleased with himself at the sound, and Yuuichi realizes he’s been trying to cheer him up. The realization does send Yuuichi into a better mood as he picks himself up off the floor and grabs the cookbook, flipping it open to a random page.

“We’re making lemon meringues.” Yuuichi announces. Kyousuke makes a face.

“Aren’t those hard to make?” He asks, scanning the recipe with doubtful eyes.

Yuuichi waves his concerns aside, clearing off the counter by throwing everything onto the coffee table. “Afraid of a little challenge?” he teases. Kyousuke makes no argument after that, rolling his eyes in favour of rising to the provocation in Yuuichi’s tone.

The meringues are a bit of a disaster, and Kyousuke and Yuuichi both conclude that meringues don’t really scream _New Year’s_ anyway, so they decide to settle on an easier recipe. The rest of the day is spent practicing their baking skills to ensure they don’t poison anybody at the party, and it keeps Yuuichi occupied enough that he can push the events of the morning to the back of his mind.

He is also so wrapped up in baking that he doesn’t notice the weariness of his body until he’s collapsing into his bed, his limbs heavy with something he feels so rarely he’s forgotten the sensation. Sleepiness. His eyes close unbidden, and then he’s falling asleep.

* * *

He miraculously stays asleep the entire night. It’s a small mercy from the universe, and Yuuichi figures he deserves it. Some aid in the long process of moving on.

Kyousuke is already up when Yuuichi wanders out of his room and of all of the habits Kyousuke has picked up from Yuuichi, sleeplessness is probably the worst. That, or the chronic snark. He helps Kyousuke clean up for most of the morning because they both figure that if it's about to be a new year, it's high time for a deep clean.

They move around the couches. Within five minutes both of them have crashed into them twice, but they don't move them back because it's exciting to have something you need to adjust yourself to, and because they both enjoy the amount of laughs they get out of it.

Just before lunchtime, the memory of yesterday isn't so raw that he can't talk about it, he picks up his phone and decides to tell Tachikawa, their most ardent follower, of what happened.

 **[11:29] me**  
we went on a date

 **[11:31] don’t reply** **  
** OHOHO?

 **[11:31] me** **  
** our first and last

 **[11:31] don’t reply** **  
** ヽ( `д´*)ノ????

 **[11:32] me** ****  
i told him i loved him and then told him to turn me down  
he turned me down  
i slapped him  
it was all very dramatic

 **[11:33] don’t reply** ****  
…  
are you okay

 **[11:33] me** ****  
awww you do care  
dont worry  
i bounce back fast  
a talented elite like me cant be hung up on stuff like this for too long

 **[11:34] don’t reply**  
youre so full of shit Σ(￣。￣ﾉ) ?

 **[11:34] me** **  
** thank you for your steadfast support

 **[11:35] don’t reply** ****  
shut up  
when i’m next in town im taking you out for dinner and i may throw things at you  
be warned!!!! Σ(▼□▼)

 **[11:36] me** ****  
oh my  
i didnt know you wanted to take me on a date that badly

The conversation, as it always does with them, soon degrades into them sending lines of emojis back and forth. Yuuichi figures that, in his own ridiculous way, this is probably Tachikawa trying to cheer him up.

The sound of Kyousuke’s tinny speakers starts up, and it takes Yuuichi seconds to recognize the music playing. Kyousuke comes to stand in front of him, apron already on and another one in his hand being offered to Yuuichi.

“Time to bake.” He says gravely. Yuuichi grins, takes the apron and throws it on with practiced grace. He rolls up his sleeves and tries to let the sound of Kyousuke rummaging around the kitchen overtake the sound of Miden’s latest album.

Yuuichi considers getting Kyousuke new speakers as a New Year’s gift. And a new pile of music discs to listen to. He’s not sure if people even give gifts for New Year’s, but he decides he’s putting a total ban on all Miden related activities until his lungs stop filling up with water at the thought of Arashiyama.

“You can change the song if you want,” Kyousuke calls from the kitchen. Yuuichi still hasn’t moved from his position in the lounge and it’s probably pretty obvious why, so he pulls at his cheek to snap himself back into reality and makes his way over to the kitchen.

“It’s fine,” He lies. Kyousuke gives him a doubtful look. After Arashiyama, he is probably the person who can read Yuuichi best, but he doesn’t question him any further. Small mercies. It seems that they’re all Yuuichi is going to get lately.

The universe isn’t kind enough to give him a big miracle, take mercy on his poor heart and somehow throw him and Arashiyama together, so Yuuichi just has to pin his hopes on the small things. He doesn’t hope to stop seeing Arashiyama, but it’d be nice if he could come across Miden promotions a little less. He doesn’t hope to fall out of love with Arashiyama, but it’d be nice to stop his heart twisting when he hears his voice on the radio.

Arashiyama really doesn’t make it easy to move on from him. Yuuichi still, regardless, has to try, and small bits of help from the world would be appreciated. He thinks that the future, for all of its shittiness and unfairness, owes him that.

They bake in mostly silence, all up until the point when a song comes on shuffle that Kyousuke explains is his favourite Miden song, after having staged an impromptu performance of it in the middle of the kitchen.

“I think I would make a great idol.” Kyousuke says very seriously. Yuuichi nods back, pretending to appraise Kyousuke as he looks him up and down.

“You’d put Tachikawa out of business within seconds.” He concludes.

“Of course. I am the hot and scruffy icon of our generation.”

The oven goes off and Kyousuke and Yuuichi put a hold to any speculation of Kyousuke’s possible idol career. Yuuichi, with a folded up rag because they never bothered buying oven mittens, pulls the tray of cookies out.

They’re perfect. It’s an unprecedented success.

“Reiji-san will be so proud.” Yuuichi announces, setting the tray on the counter.

* * *

Reiji is proud. When they arrive at his apartment bearing the plate of cookies, Reiji practically lights up with happiness. Apparently he had been the one to give them the cookbook—in all honesty, neither Yuuichi or Kyousuke had touched it until yesterday—and the recipe is one of his favourites. Yuuichi and Kyousuke immediately pass it off as if it had been on purpose; the credit is too good to let go.

Konami and Usami arrive after they do, bearing drinks (non-alcoholic, to accommodate for the singular minor among them) and unaware that the competition for Reiji’s approval and affection has already been won.

The party begins in earnest when more of their juniors from highschool arrive: Mikumo dragging Yuuma and Chika along with him and Shun who had apparently invited himself once he heard Yuuichi would be there. Where Shun goes, so do Izumi and Yoneya, and Yuuichi is beginning to think that this party extends beyond Reiji’s circles but he figures the more the merrier, as long as the trio don’t break any valuables. Which is probably likely, considering the way Yoneya and Izumi are eyeing Reiji’s baseball kit.

“Jin-san!” Shun calls merrily, waving Yuuichi over to where he’s standing in the kitchen.

Behind him, Izumi and Yoneya both greet him with “Jin-san.”, though their dry tones and matching smirks tell Yuuichi he’s being poked fun at somewhat. Giving them a breezy smile, he reaches out to pat Shun on the head, marvelling how much the boy had grown in the past years.

“I’m graduating next year! After that, we can see each other at university again!” Shun exclaims happily, jumping around Yuuichi like the laws of gravity don’t apply to him. It’s a bit ridiculous, because Shun is almost as tall as Yuuichi is now, a lanky mess of limbs that somehow treated every flat surface like a trampoline.

“Aren’t you going into professional gymnastics?” Yuuichi asks, laughing. “You’re not going to have much reason to visit the science department.”

Shun, never one to be discouraged, has a glint in his eye as he announces “I’m doing a sports science course along with it. Jin-san, I will personally hunt you down if I need to!”

Yuuichi takes a moment to wonder why everybody he knows is either a science student or an idol. His present company makes a fine example of this phenomenon, with Midorikawa planning to study sports science, Izumi a member of Tachikawa’s idol group _Alpha_ , and Yoneya majoring in mechatronic engineering. It’s a bit of a wonder that the three had managed to stay friends at all, considering the wildly different career paths they were taking.

“Don’t you want to see us too, Midorikawa?” Yoneya cuts in, feigning hurt. Shun turns his attention back onto Yoneya and Izumi, which could probably be substituted with a spotlight and nobody would notice the difference, and waves his hands.

“I see you guys all the time anyway! Jin-san is so busy these days, it’s not the same! Jin-san hasn’t even seen my new gymnastics routine…” and his tone takes a turn for the sulky, pouting as he looks back at Yuuichi. Izumi and Yoneya both fix Yuuichi with mock-judgemental stares, shaking their heads gravely as Shun laments his lack of chances to show off his hard work.

Yuuichi has a smile fixed to his face for the rest of the evening, as he makes his way around and talks to everybody as they wait for the new year. He had expected to be faking most of his cheer tonight; there’s still a heaviness to his heart that makes it hard to concentrate every now and then, but he finds that his smile comes easier every time and the expectation running through the room is plenty enough to keep his mind occupied.

Izumi and Yoneya do attempt to play indoors baseball, but Reiji manages to catch them in the act before they can cause property damage. Despite Reiji’s watchful eye on him for the rest of the night, Izumi still manages to almost break a table by challenging Konami to an arm wrestling challenge, knowing she could never back down.

Konami does end up winning, to the delight of everybody at the party and especially Yoneya. She takes the moment to issue a challenge for Izumi to pass on, declaring “Tell your leader to come fight me whenever he gets his ass back in Japan.”

Thankfully, after that close encounter, everything remains intact and in its original position. Time bleeds together like it always does if one isn’t paying attention, and it’s with murmurs of surprise when Reiji announces there’s only ten more minutes of the year left.

It’s with a stroke of genius that Konami decides they should all shout out their resolutions in the oncoming face of a new year. Even though they’re all old enough to acknowledge that the change is an artificial one, a placebo new start, they shout their desires into the cramped rooms of Reiji’s apartment with a driving belief.

Yuuichi stays out of it, because nothing he wants are things he can voice. His resolutions are between him and himself only; promises tucked into the back of his mind and wrapped around his heart where he can’t forget them.

Move on. Appreciate the small things. Remember it’s for the best. He imagines each with conviction, rolling the words around in his mouth until he’s familiar with the taste of defeat.

They’re within a minute now. At around thirty seconds, somebody starts a countdown and Yuuichi feels it, feels the anticipation despite everything. In a mere few seconds, it’ll be his first year of being the owner of his own heart, instead of having it in Arashiyama’s hands.

They had pretty good timing, he supposes. It’s easier to feel optimistic about being somebody who isn’t perilously in love with Arashiyama when it comes with the promise of a new year. It’s easier to leave behind a life spent in love when it leaves with the end of a year to accompany it.

The clock ticks over into the first morning, and Yuuichi releases a breath as the room around him breaks into cheer.

He loses himself in the party after that, the adrenaline that comes with a new year making his steps buoyant and his laughter light. It’s only a little after one am, when his phone goes off, that Yuuichi returns to his depressing reality.

 **[01:18] jun** **  
** Are you awake?

 **[01:22] me** **  
** yeah

 **[01:22] jun** ****  
Happy new year, Jin  
Care to entertain me for a while?

 **[01:23] me** **  
** are you at a party?

 **[01:24] jun** ****  
Nope.  
I’m in a park  
The one by our highschool

 **[01:25] me** **  
** i’ll see you there

Yuuichi is off balance, stumbling as he searches for his jacket in the pile of clothing on the couch. There’s a hand steadying him on his shoulder, and he turns around to see Reiji. With practiced efficiency, Reiji pulls Yuuichi’s jacket out from under the pile, offering it to him with a question in his eyes.

“It’s Arashiyama,” Yuuichi explains, because he can’t lie about this anymore. Reiji nods.

“You know,” he says and his voice is low and level but still audible despite the bustle of celebration around them, “you’ve been in love with him since you were sixteen. And he’s been in love with you probably just as long. How much longer are you going to make him wait?”

Yuuichi shrugs as he takes the jacket, pulling it around his shoulders. It’s another question, another promise to himself that he places at the back of his mind, to be addressed in the open later.

Later is getting precariously closer.

* * *

The walk to the park from Reiji’s apartment is not that far, and Yuuichi is guided by the lights of Mikado’s commemoration and the pinpricks of stars. Still, he drags his feet as he gets closer, drawing out the inevitable as much as he can. If he remembers, there had been snow forecasted for the first of January this year and he can feel it in the way the air bites, a forewarning of what is to come.

He pushes open the gate to the park. The creaking alerts the only other occupant of the space to his arrival and Arashiyama, standing in the middle of an expanse of grass, turns to greet Yuuichi.

Instinctively, Yuuichi offers him a smile. His feet are heavy as he makes his way over to Arashiyama but he gets there, always ends up at Arashiyama’s side at the end of it all and he can feel his resolutions falling away one by one with every step.

“Hello, Jin.” Arashiyama says, his voice warm.

“Shouldn’t you be at some raging party, Mr. Celebrity?” Yuuichi teases. Arashiyama tips his head back and laughs at that and it’s impossible that anybody could be so warm in the dead of night, in the dead of winter.

“I celebrated with my family,” Arashiyama explains and Yuuichi nods along, “but Fuku and Saho went to bed as soon as twelve hit.”

“So you found yourself in some dingy park.” Yuuichi continues.

Arashiyama nods, staring up at the stars as he says “I find it’s good for thinking.”

Yuuichi isn’t sure what he’s doing here. He’s not sure what’s going on, can’t foresee what Arashiyama has planned and it terrifies him. There’s a part of him, loud and insistent, that tells him this is a dangerous situation to be in, a precarious ledge to be hanging off.

Yuuichi doesn’t do anything about it. Doesn’t pay the voice any heed. Despite his uncertainty, despite the fact he’s making shots in the dark right now, he trusts Arashiyama. Trusts him to lead Yuuichi out of this encounter and into safer territory, to usher in the new year together with the promise of better things.

“What have you been thinking about?” He asks.

Arashiyama turns to Yuuichi, his gaze strong and Yuuichi sees it; he sees the commanding feeling that comes off of Arashiyama, sees the reason he is such a good performer. Arashiyama demands Yuuichi’s attention.

“I think that you’re really unfair.” Arashiyama tells him, confident and matter-of-fact if not for the way his hands shake and his eyes drop from Yuuichi’s gaze. “Why do you get to decide what is best for us?”

“You know it is,” The words are spilling out before Yuuichi can catch and refine them, coming out raw and desperate. “You and I both know that this is best for us.”

There’s a hurt set deep into Arashiyama’s stare and Yuuichi wishes he had the power to fix it, to drive it out.

“I don’t think I know that. What I know is— I know that you make me happier than anything else in this world, and I think that I make you happy too. So what’s stopping us, Yuuichi?” There’s a steady insistence in Arashiyama’s tone and Yuuichi, damn him and damn how weak he is, feels whatever feeble resistance he has starting to erode.

“Everything is stopping us, Jun.” Yuuichi says, voice small. “You’re an idol, at the peak of your career. I’m just—just me, some compsci student from your past. You know what happens to idols when they get into relationships. It turns into a scandal, the kind that ruins careers. Think about your fans. ”

It’s getting more difficult to keep Yuuichi’s gaze locked with Arashiyama’s when every word seems to make his expression draw tighter, his stare heavier.

“I know,” Arashiyama breathes. Around them, the forecasted snow has started to fall and Yuuichi is glad that at least something is keeping its promises around here, because it’s getting harder and harder for him to. “It’s selfish of me, isn’t it? To want this.”

Yuuichi wants to tell him no, because there’s no word that fits Arashiyama less than _selfish._ But he stays silent because it’s for the best, it has to be. The words seem to get emptier every time he thinks them.

“I know it’s selfish, but please, Yuuichi.”

“Think this through, Arashi— Jun. I don’t want you—can’t let you jeopardize your entire career and life because of this.” Yuuichi is desperate, trembling with how the emotion attempts to spill over his carefully built walls. The snow continues to fall around them, blanketing the world’s celebrations and leaving just the two of them, alone and mirthless.

Arashiyama, in the low light of the park with the glow of the stars above him, smiles. He looks so _sad_ that Yuuichi’s heart breaks right then and there, and he’s sure that this is it.

“Aren’t I allowed to be selfish, just this once?”

Yuuichi stops shaking. He thinks, thinks long and hard. He thinks about how Arashiyama trained for hours and hours on end to be good enough for the world, thinks about how he loses sleep and skips meals to practice so that he can perform.

He thinks about how Arashiyama doesn’t talk about Fuku and Saho, avoids them so completely that his fans think his favourite thing in the world is his dog instead of what he truly treasures most because he doesn’t want his star-embedded life to ruin theirs.

He thinks about how Arashiyama takes on extra work, goes to extra events and does extra interviews in place of his group members, how he argues with the company about how much they have to do because they’re younger than him and he knows they deserve to spend their childhoods as normally as possible.

He thinks about how Arashiyama has known all this time about his feelings but has waited, patient and understanding, for Yuuichi to resolve himself and find his own place in all this.

He thinks about how much Arashiyama sacrifices, how much he bottles up, all with a smile on his face because he knows that it makes people happy, and Yuuichi’s answer can only be one thing.

He asks, “What do you want, Jun?”. His mouth is dry.

“You.” Arashiyama replies.

A lifetime of holding back escapes Yuuichi in that one word, a lifetime of walking on a tightrope and making every step cautious and doubtful. The tightrope falls away and Yuuichi allows himself to fall with it, because he doesn’t think he wants a life lived carefully, not with how Arashiyama stares at him with a fire in his eyes.

“Okay,” He whispers, not because he is unsure but because he’s exhilarated, the type of euphoria that has to be let out all at once or allowed out in small, tiny bursts lest it overtakes him.

And when Arashiyama pulls him closer, a hand at the back of his neck and a hand at his waist, Yuuichi feels it overtake him. When their mouths meet with the desperation of years of holding back, gentle and allowing but full of a want that steals Yuuichi’s breath, he thinks that he could burst from the feeling.

Arashiyama—no, _Jun_ , tastes like everything Yuuichi has ever wanted, and he melts into the kiss with the knowledge that no matter what, Jun will be here to hold him up. Keep him steady. He fends off the cold from the snow and Yuuichi is glad that it’s there to muffle the rest of the world because this is their moment, Jun and Yuuichi now Jun-and-Yuuichi, and he wonders if Jun can feel the fireworks show his heart is putting on.

Jun pulls back and Yuuichi feels the loss instantly, feels a whine build in the back of his throat because now that he’s tasted it, he never wants to be without Jun again.

He smiles at Yuuichi, face full of the wonder and marvel of a man in love and whispers “I never said it back.” Yuuichi’s mind stumbles back into the past and he has to travel far, cast his net wide because the events feel so far away already; memories of averted eyes and clenched hands sitting opposite each other.

“You didn’t let me say it back.” Arashiyama whispers, breathless with laughter. “I love you, Yuuichi. I’m in love with you.”

Yuuichi feels it then, the beginning of a lifetime starting with the beginning of a year. Hands clasped, foreheads touching, he can feel something resonant unfolding in the space between them; the kind of breathless beauty that artists strive to capture for all of their lives. All that, due to five words.

He takes this feeling and tucks it away, in the back of his mind, underneath his tongue, lodged between his ribs; anywhere that he can put it for safekeeping.

* * *

On the fourth day of the new year, Yuuichi wakes up from the fourth full night of sleep in a record four day streak and walks into the kitchen to find Jun cooking. Kyousuke is sitting on the couch, seemingly sated that he doesn’t have to make breakfast for himself and with no comment on their temporary new roommate.

Jun waves Yuuichi over, his phone in his hand and the other reaching out for Yuuichi. Yuuichi takes the outstretched hand, letting Jun pull him closer as he raises the phone up.

“We’re taking a picture.” Jun announces, before Yuuichi can protest. Yuuichi, whose hair is pitifully unstyled and falling in his eyes, who still hasn’t fully shaken off the veil of sleep. It’s an unacceptable state to be taking pictures in and Yuuichi shakes his head, pushing away the phone with a laugh.

“Let me get cleaned up first! Not everybody can look good first thing in the morning like you.” Yuuichi protests, laughing as Jun insistently pulls him closer still.

“You look wonderful,” Jun tells him. He knows that Jun is lying to get Yuuichi to comply, but accepts his fate with a roll of his eyes anyway. Jun raises up the phone and Yuuichi attempts to blink the hair and tiredness out of his eyes.

Jun puts his face right next to Yuuichi’s, cheek to cheek and he can’t help but smile at that. Jun counts down from five; when he reaches two Yuuichi attempts for a smile. On one, Jun turns his head and presses a kiss into Yuuichi’s cheek and it takes him off guard, his cheerful expression drops as the picture takes and Jun is giggling into his cheek.

“You ruined it!” Yuuichi protests as Jun continues to press kisses on his face, but his words are weak and too full of mirth to be convincing.

“I made it better.” Jun says with a pleased smile, showing Yuuichi the picture on his phone screen.

It’s—god, it’s _cute_. Yuuichi’s expression is woefully off guard, eyes widened and mouth in a wobbly but delighted “o” as he looks into the camera. There’s a visible smile on Jun’s face despite the fact that his mouth is pressed into Yuuichi’s cheek, and they both look happy and in love and Yuuichi’s pretty sure his heart has left this plane of existence entirely.

“Send that to me,” he rasps, not even bothering to be annoyed at how breathless he sounds. Jun laughs, pulling back his phone and tapping away on it with a sly smile on his face.

“You can save it off of twitter.” Jun tells him just as Yuuichi’s phone lights up with a notification, then another one. It takes him seconds to connect the notification from Jun’s official twitter and his words and Yuuichi gasps before he can stop himself.

 **Arashiyama Jun** @miden_jun  
It's a new year, everyone. Have we all enjoyed our year so far? I know it's only been four days, but it's important to make every day count.

 **Arashiyama Jun** @miden_jun  
@miden_jun In the spirit of beginnings, I want to announce that I've started a relationship. Everybody, meet my boyfriend Jin!

The picture of them is attached to the second tweet and Yuuichi thinks that he’s finally hurtling back to the ground after being up in the clouds for so long; this is finally something real. All of his fear possesses him at once and his breath catches, his heart plummets, but then his eyes meet Jun’s and Yuuichi feels his tension melt away at the expression on Jun’s face. Hopeful and determined and so, so marvelous.

Yuuichi lands back on steady ground, firm in belief and firmly in love.

* * *

 **For Arashiyama** @junfanofficial  
[BREAKING] Jun has announced that he is in a relationship (with the cutest picture ever…)! Let’s wish the happy couple well!

 **For Arashiyama** @junfanofficial  
@junfanofficial It’s believed that his new boyfriend was the person he went out with several times over his break. They must’ve missed each other a lot.

 **For Arashiyama** @junfanofficial  
@junfanofficial Mod R would also like to point out that this is Jun’s first picture on his twitter that isn’t of him or Koro. Lmao.

 **niko-chan** @nikonikonii  
holy shit 

> **mochiluvr** @tachiriver  
>  @arajunupdates hmm~ i have this feeling he’s going on a date today

**fuka loves satori** @SAlLORM00N  
@nikonikonii WHAT THE FUCKHKDDUWWDjkjdDJ HOW DID THET KNOW

 **mochiluvr** @tachiriver  
@SAlLORM00N @nikonikonii ye of little faith (￣▽￣)

 

**Author's Note:**

> this one goes out 2 serena. serena if ur reading this ilu


End file.
